I'm a Christian. I believe that God loves me very much. I believe He cares and hears me when I pray. I believe He hurt just as much as I did when I lost my boys, and rejoiced with us when we adopted Ethan and when I gave birth to Emily. I am so very thankful for all He has done for me, all He has given me and blessed me with. I know without a doubt, that there is a Heaven and one day I will see my Jesus and my two babies again. That thought, even though it may brings tears to my eyes, makes me happy.
But... sometimes I hurt. Sometimes the hard times we go through gets to me. I get worn down and tired of the struggles I face everyday. Ethan, although physically is healthy, his behavior wears me out. It wears the whole family out.
This song describes exactly how I feel tonight. It is beautiful. Please listen.
But I believe God has given Ethan to our family for a reason. And it wasn't to make me crazy, which it seems I'm on that road quite frequently. I believe God has something special planned for Ethan. I pray that Ethan grows up to be a mighty man of God and that I will look back at his ADHD/ODD years and laugh and know that God was preparing him (and us) for something special.
Please pray for my family. Pray that we, as parents and a sibling will have more fruit of the spirit (joy, patience, kindness, love, peace, gentleness and self control). And pray for Ethan to open his heart toward God and family.
Please believe me when I say how thankful I am for the blessings in my life. It's just that... sometimes I cry.