A Little Rambling

I treated myself to lunch out today. I spent all morning long freezing in my office and I wanted to go somewhere and warm up. Being in central Texas, it doesn't take long to warm up outside. So, I decided to have lunch at Taco Cabana because they have a covered outdoor patio. So I bought my brisket tacos and headed outside to the patio. On the other side of the patio was a family that looked like a dad, a mom, their little boy (probably around 3 years old) and a set of grandparents. 

So there I was, just chomping away on  my tacos & chips & queso. The family on the other side was chatting away, and I couldn't help but overhear some of their conversation. Apparently, the little boy was recently in a play at his school and he was playing a firetruck. The mom was telling the grandparents that the little boy went on stage like a pro and waved to her from the stage and proceeded to sing the cutest firetruck song. Then, she told the little boy, to sing the song for the grandparents. And like a pro (I guess mom was right), he stood up, sang his ABC's and then he DID sing the cutest little firetruck song. Everyone on the patio clapped and the little boy just grinned from ear to ear knowing he had an audience. 

It was funny. I smiled because that little boy was too darn cute. And so was that little firetruck song. Then, there is was. That little pang in my heart. Why was that there? Where did that come from? Then it hit me. Oh, because my little Max would have been that age. I also should have a 9 year old.

You know some days I'm ok. Then something little, simple, out of the blue will hit me. My two boys are gone. Yes, they are in Heaven. No, they are not suffering or in pain. No, they don't have a g-tube or have to be suctioned out or have to have oxygen anymore. Yes, they are with the greatest parent a child could have. But... sometimes I hurt. Sometimes I cry.  Sometimes I think why, why me, why them, why us, why such a short little life?

Then, God does something amazing. He comforts my grieving heart. He reminds me of the two little ones I DO have here. He tells me I will see my boys again and spend much more time with them in Heaven then I ever could on earth with them healthy. 

Next month my Chandler would have turned 10 years old. I blows my mind that I would have a 10 year old. My Max would have been 3 in September. Here are some pics in honor of my heavenly boys.

Here is my Max

Sweet Max

Here is my little Chandler-bear

Everone has bad days. Everyone has "why me?" moments. I have them often. But I'm glad that I also have God to comfort me, speak to my heart and love me. Have a great weekend!